Chapter 3 - Hope and Despair

Éowyn was woken by the sound of hooves. Darkness was around her; the candle had gone out hours ago. A soft light came from the skin of the wounded elf, but outside it was still dark. She raised herself from her chair, moving quietly. She peered out of the tent, the shadows of riders passing her. Those who were to go to Isengard were leaving. She could barely see the faces of those that passed her, but she knew that she was too late to bid her uncle farewell. She sighed. When would she see them again?

The night air was chilling her and she returned to the warmth of the tent. Haldir was moving, his breathing was no longer regular but had turned to shallow hissing. His eyes were still distant, but now they were filled with pain and fear. Another nightmare. She reached out to touch his shoulder, to wake him. The soft skin was warm under her fingers, filled with life. Not as cold as Theódred's had been. She dismissed the thought. It was doing her no good, she knew. He wouldn't return, ever.

Suddenly he rolled on to his back, his hand closing around her wrist. She gasped, both with pain and surprise. Trying to wriggle out of his grasp just made him tighten the grip. "Wake up," she cried, "and let go of me." He was hurting her now, but slowly consciousness seeped back into his eyes. He stared at her, only gradually easing his grip. She was panting, her nostrils flaring. But her eyes, her eyes were worried, for the first time he saw something other than hatred in them. Then it hit him; she pitied him! The poor wounded elf that was haunted by nightmares. But these nightmares were nothing compared to her eyes. What did she see in him? Someone weak apparently. He let go of her hand, his eyes flaring.

She was shocked, but still she said with in soft voice, "You should go back to sleep ... you will need your strength..." He cut her short, "Do not tell me what I need. And don't look at me this way; do not pretend that you are actually concerned about me. I know you are not! To you I'm just an annoyance, am I right? And you like to see me in this state, weak and dependant upon you. What kind of person are you? You took a wound at Helm's Deep, but maybe you deserved it."

She couldn't take his words in. She had intended to apologize for her harsh behaviour towards him, but now ... He knew, of course he did, about Aragorn and Legolas. And he also discovered her feelings it seemed. What right did he have to throw that at her, to use it against her? What a vicious creature must he be? "How dare you," she snapped. "If it wasn't for me you'd be dead by now. And right now I wish I had not stumbled upon you." She turned and ran out of the tent, tears burning in her eyes.

---

The rage was gone as quickly as it had come. He lay with his eyes closed, condemning himself. Maybe he had been mistaken and she had really felt compassion for him. But no more. He had seen something break in her eyes, something disappear from them, leaving nothing but coldness. He had found the one thing that could hurt her beyond anything, and he had used it against her. Had used her love against her. Vicious she had called him, yes; it had been a vicious deed. No matter what she had done to him, what she had said, she had not deserved this. Why had he been spared at Helm's Deep? He rolled onto his side, ignoring the pain that built up in it. Staring at the chair she had sat in. Empty now, as empty as her eyes. And all that his making.

He heard his voice before he saw the other elf, "What have you done to her?" Haldir turned over again and faced the Prince of Mirkwood. Legolas' features were troubled, his eyes questioning. "She passed me outside, running as if the Nine were after her. Terror in her eyes, and tears," he continued. "I had no right, but I hate to be in this state, I must have hurt her, deep down inside. I mentioned you..." The eyes of the other widened. "You must have realized before now how she feels about Aragorn, and still you..." Legolas could not believe it. It was true, Haldir was not the most compassionate elf, not by far, but this was unworthy, even for him. Of course he hated to be so weak, everyone would, and to be dependant upon others was hard for him, the proud Chief Guardian of the Golden Wood. But if anyone had the right to confront Éowyn with her feelings it was he, Legolas. Yet he felt nothing but compassion for her, and a longing to help her. Haldir on the other hand should be grateful to the Lady of the Rohirrim.

"You had no right," he finally stated. "Pray that this is not the end of her, that you have not unmade all that was alive in her." Haldir had never seen Legolas look this stern. He turned around and left the Lórien elf without a further word, leaving him alone in the dark again.

---

Éowyn was riding beside her brother. Since the elf's outburst she had not returned to him. Another healer was taking care of him now. Legolas had tried to speak to her, but she had refused to see him. She knew he had seen her in the night, running through the darkness with tears streaming from her eyes. Haldir had broken down her defences, had found the one weapon which could hurt her more that any sword or arrow ever could. What could Legolas want from her? Apologize for the other elf's behaviour? Possible. But he was not responsible for the deeds of Haldir. And right now she could not endure the presence of any elf.

The air around them was heavy, as if a storm was coming. And yet she felt free again, she could see the sky and the clouds and the sun. Her brother reached a hand to his sister that she took, gripping it tight. "Tonight we will be at Edoras again. There all the wounded will be taken care of. But you can rest for a while. I can see that you haven't been sleeping very well last night." What had betrayed her? Her face had been pale, yes, but that was not new for her. Only then she remembered that she was talking to her brother who knew her through and through. She smiled, "Do I look as if I need rest?" His soft chuckle was warming her heart.

Edoras, home. Only two nights ago she had been sure she'd never see the Golden Hall again. But now, as they approached the capital of the Riddermark, new hope was seeping into her heart. Hope that almost made her forget her grief, and the hurt she had felt only a few hours ago caused by Haldir's words. For the time being they were safe and so she looked over to her brother, raising an eyebrow. He smiled and nodded. The old game between them. Then she urged her horse on, followed by Éomer. But as always she was the first to reach the city gates. As a child she had believed her brother to do this on purpose, that he let her win. But soon she found that she was simply lighter than he, and thus her horse could fly over the grass of Rohan faster than his.

She smiled warmly at him, watching him dismount, raising his hands to lift her off her steed. "I can still beat you at some things," she grinned. "They are coming now," she continued with a nod towards the rest of the riders that were now entering the city. She let go of her brother and walked over to Legolas who was just jumping off his horse. "Forgive me for avoiding you earlier, but..." - "...but you could not take yet another elf speaking to you. I understand that. He had no right, and knows that, too." She bowed her head, "Then why did he say it?" Legolas sighed, "He is a warrior, unaccustomed to being bound to the bed. He hates to be so weak and helpless. Unfortunately he has a unique way of uttering his dismay. I am truly sorry that you were the one around him in that moment."

"My Lord, you don't have to apologize for him. I should apologize to you. I have no right to love..." - "Éowyn, we cannot choose whom we love, and I can understand your feelings for Aragorn," a smile brightened the eyes of the elven prince. "You will find the one who is meant for you, I can see it clearly in your eyes. You will love, and this love will be greater that the one you feel for Aragorn." He saw his eyes fill with sadness. "Believe me fair Éowyn, you will find the one, even though you now think you will never love again, you will. And you will find this love very soon, in someone you would least expect it." The knowing eyes of the elf were warming her heart. Maybe he was right; maybe she would love again. But soon? No, that was impossible.