Chapter 23 - Bonding Experience

Brian

"Now isn't it fabulous?" We are all standing on the sidewalk, gazing at some of the posters Justin and I stuck all over the city last night. "A real beauty if you ask me..." Well, no one asked your opinion, Emmett. Fuck, what was I thinking? I have three important meetings today, and if I don't fall asleep in one of them, it'll be a miracle. Shit! I mean, Justin's right, something has to be done, but why couldn't I just hire someone to put up the posters, huh? Why did we have to stay up all night? I need my beauty rest for fuck's sake.

And now Justin and Linz are starting off with a fucking critique, mentioning agit prop art and such. Okay, it's funny to see Deb go, "What?" and Justin switch into lecture mode. And is there a little gleam of pride in his tired eyes? Fuck, I think Linz noticed it, too. She's smiling into her coffee. Uh-oh. That doesn't bode well. She's like a bloodhound when she wants to find out something. I make a hasty retreat towards the diner, but Linz is on my heels. "I can't believe it, Brian. You do know that there's a fine for defacing public property, don't you?" I give her my what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about glare, but she's not fooled. "Brian! You and Justin could get into serious trouble if you were caught."

"Well, that means we'll have to be extra careful, right?" Justin has caught up with us, and wraps his arm around my waist. And somehow, mine comes around his shoulders like it always does. "And you have to admit it, Lindsay. Stockwell is a fucking Nazi. The way he's closing down Liberty Avenue... And trust me, we are just the exposition to the little drama he would like to put on play. There are more minorities, and they will be next." Linz makes a move to say something, but Justin won't let her, "I know that the polls are in favour of Councillor Deekins, but still... How many queers are going to vote, huh? We have to wake them up."

Linz' eyes soften. "Just ... be cautious, you two. Stockwell must realise that things aren't going well for him, and you know what they say about a wounded lion..." Yes, he fights more fiercely. "But I must compliment you on the poster, Justin." Um, excuse me? I'm the ad-exec here. What makes her think that Justin cooked up the poster? Not that he didn't, but that's beside the point. "I really like the bold coarseness of the design. When this whole shit is over, you have to give me one of them. You know, for your show..." Oh shit. I really don't think that would be a good idea. "Or maybe for another... More agit prop art by local artists maybe... I have to talk this through with Sidney." And she's off, leaving us staring at her retreating back.

"Um, is she always like this?" Tell me, Sunshine. How long have you known Linz? "I never saw her quite like this. Going from concerned friend to tough business woman in a few minutes. Fuck, I'm so glad that I don't have to worry about women..." Yeah, you've no idea. "So... We'll wait for his reaction, yes? And then figure out what poster to do next." I nod. That was the plan. "Okay then. Could you tell Mr Vance that I'll be a little late for the meeting today? I have this stupid test, but afterwards I'm free as a bird until January. I've talked it over with my professors, and they said that this big project at Vanguard will teach me more than the lessons they have planned until the Hols, so I shouldn't worry about coming back until after New Year's." Project? What project? Justin sees my stunned expression and giggles. "Sorry, Bri. I'm not allowed to tell you. It'll be your Christmas surprise..."

Damn! I hate it when he's doing something behind my back. "You're not fucking Gardner, are you?" I just had to ask. And I knew what sort of an answer I'd get. Yup, a slap to the head. "Okay, okay. Keep your secrets. But don't forget that you need to get the colour scheme for the house to my contractor by six p.m. – cause he wants to start tomorrow." Else we can forget about Christmas dinner at the new house. "Oh, and tell Cynthia to give you the furniture catalogues when you get into Vanguard today. I'll be in a meeting – or asleep in my office."

He smiles and goes, "Aww, poor baby. Didn't you get enough sleep last night? I'm so terribly sorry." Yeah, I can see that. "I promise I'll make it up to you tonight." I huff and glower, but draw him closer still. We've just reached the diner, when Mikey shows up – and why is it that we always meet him outside the diner – and waves some papers in front of Justin. "Is this the new story for Rage?" Mikey nods. "Oh great. I'm going to have a look at it as soon as possible, okay? First I've to finish you-know-what with Mr Vance, and then there's the house and everything. But I'll start on the artwork for the new issue soonish, I promise." Hang on. Even Mikey knows what's going on? Now that's totally fucked. That's it. I turn on my heels, and stalk off towards the jeep. "Brian?" Okay, there's a slight note of fear in Justin's voice, and I'm about to turn back when...

"Don't worry. He's just pissed because we know something he doesn't." Mikey chuckles, and Justin joins in. Fuck! The little shit was just acting. He's so not getting any for... And it hits me that I would hurt myself with sex-deprivation as much as him. Holy fucking shit. When did things get so screwed? Oh, I know. When I fell in love even though I never wanted to. 'Yes, Kinney. Go and feed yourself such bullshit. Maybe one of these days you'll start believing it.' Fuck off! I hear hasty footsteps, and then a hand is at the small of my back.

"Aren't you going to wish me good luck for my test?" Shit. He really knows which buttons to press. I turn around and gather him in a tight embrace. "I'm sorry, but I really can't tell you. Mr Vance would be livid otherwise. And Mikey... He overheard a phone call, that's how he found out." Then his lips cover mine, and he tells me in his own special way that he's sorry. Who could stay mad at him after that? "I've to run, but I'll see you later, okay?" I sigh and shrug. He kisses me again, and I think I can still taste him when I finally get into the agency. I deliver Justin's message to Gardner, who just smiles at me. Great, just great. And here I thought I was a fucking partner. Shit.

---

Justin

Mr Vance is studying the new logo, and I know that I'm biting my lower lip in anticipation, but I can't help it. It also irks me that Brian is pissed because of this whole shit, even though I understand the need for secrecy. "This is great, Justin. I'm sure your partner will be quite impressed..." Did he just say your partner? "Now don't give me that look. I'm not blind. Nor am I stupid. It was quite obvious that you two were more than just friends, though you fooled almost everyone." Oh fuck. "You had – how shall we say it – sexual intercourse with your boss in his office. I know you thought no one was around anymore..." He smirks. "I don't know how you managed it, but you changed him for the better. Ever since we came up with the idea of having an intern, he's been more ... um ... content." Well, we'd just gotten back together, so... "Don't worry, I don't mind. Actually, I think you make a great team."

Um. I know he's expecting some sort of a response, but I can just gape at him. And he laughs, "Oh come on. I'm sure Brian mentioned something about my brother. Brad and you are pretty similar, by the way. Anyway, what I wanted to say is that I've no problem whatsoever with your relationship. On the contrary. Vanguard has a brilliant freelancer now, and Brian doesn't threaten the folks in Arts anymore... Well, alright. Not too often." We both laugh at that. I'm just starting to say something when he adds, "And I would really appreciate it if you stopped calling me Mr Vance. That's my father."

Okay then... "You ... you really don't mind, um, Gardner?" He shakes his head. "Brian didn't suggest me because of our relationship." Mr Vance, I mean, Gardner tells me that Brian would never do such a thing, and that I got the internship based only on my merit. "Alright then. Can we go back to the logo now? Because I have to get going..." He grins and nods. He truly seems to like the new logo I created for the agency. There won't be any name change even after Brian will be made full partner during the company's Christmas party, but the corporate design will be different afterwards. When Gardner first approached me about it, I was stunned. I mean, there are some talented people in Arts, so why did he ask me? I think I finally understand it. It's because I know Brian. Shit.

I can't follow my train of thought because Cynthia is knocking on the office door, reminding Vance of the last meeting of the day. "And there are a few things Brian asked me to give to you, Justin." She winks, and I just want to bury my face in my hands. This is just too surreal. While Vance joins Bri in his meeting, Cynthia gives me those catalogues Brian wanted me to have a look at. I'm shocked. The furniture is still high-end, but... It doesn't have this don't-touch-me feel to it. Like the stuff in the loft has. Especially the sofa. Really! Who in their right mind has a white sofa? "I love their Victorian line. Not too feminine if you get my meaning, but classy. And it would fit the house just fine." Cynthia has already seen the house? Now I'm really surprised. "Oh, and Brian asked me to remind you to get the colour scheme..." I hand her my notes, and ask her to fax them over. "Great. You know ... you used to be so nice when you started to work here. But being with Brian has turned you into a second version of him. Now you are also bossing me around. Thanks so much." I would be worried if she didn't smirk.

An hour later, Brian joins me in his office, and we decide on a dining table and chairs, plus a few cupboards and such for the dining room. That's the most important thing right now. The kitchen is fully equipped already, we only need to get his beloved appliances from that goddamn expensive store he frequents. And china. Let's not forget the china ... or the silverware. There is one thing Brian is firm on. He wants to get the same bed again. Since the bedroom at the loft will remain as it is, there's no moving the existing bed, which is just as well. I don't want to start our new life together in a bed that's seen more traffic then the New York Metro at rush-hour. The kitchen will also remain the same, and the desk. Only the dining table and the couch will be moved into storage. Yup, I'm keeping the entertainment system.

I guess I should feel, well, uneasy about it all. Since Bri is paying for everything. However, I'm just too elated to care. And then, there's that sparkle in his beautiful eyes... He would never admit it to anyone, but he's just as thrilled as I am. Anyway, we also pick out a sofa, a coffee table, a few armchairs and the like. And Bri is set on a liquid TV. He's insane, cause these things cost a fucking fortune, but there's no talking him out of it. Funny enough, the TV is for our bedroom, which is so big that we'll have another couch up there for more private moments. His words, not mine. But if the way he was wiggling his eyebrows at me is any indication ... well, then I can hardly wait.

We are also going over my colour scheme again – just in case. But Brian seems to like it. Especially the earthy and orangy colours I picked for the living and dining areas meet with his approval. "You want to turn our home into some Italian palazzo or what's the meaning of this? And here I thought you would choose some Laura Ashley things. You know, Victorian mansion, Victorian furniture..." I shake my head. "Oh well, have it your way." Thank you very much. I will. Don't need your permission for it. Besides, Bri would take offence if I wanted Laura Ashley wallpaper and stuff. After all, that would be a little too British, and he's still of Irish descent – and sometimes he's even proud of it. Particularly when he and Deb start a drinking fest, and he wins.

But his drinking habits have changed, just like his drug usage. Where there were times he could go through a bottle of Beam in a day, not to mention all the E and Coke and whatever else, now he hardly touches the liquor bottles at the loft. Or his little fun box. Okay, he's still smoking weed, but rather weed than normal cigarettes. It's better for his lungs, and after his father died of lung cancer... Debbie once told me that I had this very good influence on Bri, and maybe she's right. After all, I still remember our first night, and the morning after. Including my little lecture – That's why you should never take drugs that aren't prescribed by a physician, or recommended by a reliable pharmacist.

"Um, Sunshine? Are you sure you want a red wall in our bedroom?" Leave it to him to not understand that particular design. I explain that it won't be a red wall, but small red fields here and there. One behind our bed, and another one where the TV will be. It will harmonise with the cream colour I also choose for the major bedroom, and anyway, I wanted something to accentuate the passionate side of our relationship. At first, Brian looks at me dumbstruck. Well, that's a first. But slowly I see comprehension fill his eyes, and he smiles. "You know, you'd make a great interior designer. So if your paintings don't sell anymore at some point..." I guess that's his way of telling me that I've done a great job. How very Brian to make a compliment sound almost rude. I'm ready to move on, when he adds in a whisper, "It's ... it's really great, Justin. I can't wait to see the house when it's all done..." He looks away, clearly embarrassed, but I'm having none of that. I hook a finger under his chin, forcing his face around, and place a soft kiss on his lips. And fuck! My allergies are threatening again, but I blink back the tears. I'm far too happy for them...

---

Brian

"Under no circumstances." Linz is smiling sweetly, and even bats her lashes at me for good measure. Well, it's not going to help her. "No. Not going to happen, Linz. You can forget it right about now." She must have lost her fucking mind if she think that I... No! Just no. I won't do it. She changes tactics now and begins to whine in a Mikey-like manner. Hasn't she learnt something in all the years we've known each other. Mikey's whining never ever worked. Sure, he thinks it does, but he's sadly fucking mistaken there.

"Brian, please. It's one of the last classes, and Mel really wants to go, but she needs a partner. And Sidney just called – one of the deliveries went astray and we have to track it down. And Justin's working." Yes, on his mysterious project. Fuck it! "Please, Brian... I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't..." Oh, so I'm the last choice. Great, Linz. If you ever had a selling point, you just lost it. "And Mel told me that you are getting along so much better now..." Oh, did she? Now isn't that nice? What's next, huh? Melanie asking me to father her second child? "Besides, it was her idea to ask you. I warned her that you wouldn't do it, but she had faith in you. Well, I'll just tell her that she won't be able to go after all..."

Shit! Mel has infected Linz with her Jewish guilt thingy. Linz is turning towards the stairs, and I know that she knows that she has me. "Wait. I'll go, okay? Happy now?" She beams. I'm so fucked! "But you so owe me for this, Lindsay Peterson." She gives me that smile of hers, and I'm once again thanking every deity in existence that I am queer. It's not as if Justin doesn't know how to get what he wants from me, but at least he doesn't gloat afterwards. "Now go and get Mel. I haven't got all day to hang around your living room." And I don't have time to go to any stupid breathing classes either. But the fucking dykes don't care, naturally.

A few minutes later, Mel – or the whale – enters the living room. And gives me the shock of my life. "Thank you, Brian. I know you're busy with the house and everything. I really appreciate you doing this for me." Um, right. Who are you and what did you do to the real Melanie? I'm still stunned when we get to her stupid course, and I swear, if I ever see so many straight couples doing the sweet and loving again, I'm going to puke. And what's worse, they thought we were one of them. As if I would choose a woman like Mel – if I wasn't gay, that is. Linz and I ... well, that's buried in the past and filed under last failed attempt at heterosexuality.

But when Mel is leaning back against me, and my hands come to rest – purely by chance, of course – on her belly... I think I really understand now why this is called a miracle. I could kick myself for never showing the least interest in Linz while she carried Gus. And now... This is my partner's child that's growing within my former nemesis. Justin's child. I think I've never been so proud of him than I was on the day he agreed to father this baby. And the way he takes care of it even though it hasn't been born yet – it's amazing really. Fucking hetero vibes! It's unsettling that I – Brian Fucking Kinney – am thinking such wussy things.

I'm glad when the course is over, and I can take Mel back home. Justin is waiting for me – well, actually he and Gus are playing on the floor and I'm dragged down to my knees as soon as I enter the living room. "Dada 'n Momma are back, Mommy!" Mel ruffles Gus' hair and moves – you can't really call it walking anymore – to the kitchen where Linz is busy with her dinner preparations. "Jussie promised that you stay for dinner," my son informs me, and I groan. Can't we just go to the loft and fuck our brains out? Please? I don't want to stay around the Munchers, and especially Mel, any longer. I'm beginning to actually like her, and that can't be good, can it?

Justin once again proves that he can read my mind and whispers, "Just for dinner. Afterwards we can go home to play ... you know ... some games for adults." He smirks, and kisses me, and Gus is squeeing. "What's up, little man? You want a kissie as well?" Gus nods, and Justin places a soft kiss on his forehead. "Now you go and kiss your Dada or he'll feel left out." My Sonny Boy crawls into my lap and gives me a big, wet smack. And I swear, Justin is giggling like a girl. Shit. This whole family guy stuff is really unbecoming. People will get the impression that I've gone soft – me, not my dick! I think my dick will never go soft as long as Justin is around. Oh shit. I am totally screwed.

"Aww, aren't you sweet." What the fuck? There's Linz – armed with a camera. And I can do nothing to stop her from making a film-load of family photos of Gus, Justin, and myself. Brilliant. I think I missed the moment I handed the control over my life to my so called friends. But ... when I see the twinkle in Justin's eyes, it all becomes worthwhile. Did I mention that I hate the fucking Holidays? They make you so – I don't know – mushy! And I don't do this shit. Yeah, like I don't do love or relationships. Just perfect. "Come on, boys. Dinner is served. Oh, and Justin. I tried to spice the sauce with Tabasco like you told me. It's really amazing." Help! Justin and Linz are exchanging recipes. What will be next?

This time, Gus demands to sit on Justin's lap, and I'm happy to hand him over. He can slobber over Jus all that he wants. Cause, as opposed to my clothes, his don't require the services of a dry cleaner. But my son behaves, and even though he has to feed Gus, Justin still manages to eat more than Linz, Mel and I. And let's not forget that Mel is pregnant. I'm really wondering where all that food goes. I mean, he doesn't go to the gym – except for those few occasions when I drag him along – and he doesn't do any sports. It can't be the work at the diner... I grin. Maybe it is the fucking after all. Our sex life has been pretty healthy ever since Paris...

"Dinner was great, Linz." Justin's bouncing as he helps with the washing up. He even had the guts to throw me a towel, and now I'm forced to dry all the plates and glasses and stuff. Domestic life really sucks. "But I'm afraid we'll have to leave now." He winks at me, "Else Brian might go berserk and we can't have that, can we?" They both start snickering, and I'm leaving before I'm compelled to do some unspeakable things to them. So I'm following Mel, and kiss my son goodnight. Who would have thought that I would grow to love him so much? That I would love anyone. And now... Now I'm going to move out of the loft and into a fucking house with the man I l... 'Stop it, stop it, stop it! Pull yourself together, Kinney! You aren't some silly fairy, are you?' Well, sometimes I'm not so sure about that...

Mel sneaks up on me, and brushes a stray hair out of Gus' face. "He's a little angel." She's rubbing her belly, and smiles wistfully. "I hope that ... damn, I really hope I'll be as good a mother for this child as Linz is for Gus. You know, I never thought I could want this – my own child. And then Linz gave birth, and things changed. I'm ... I'm scared." She starts to sob, and before I can stop myself, I'm embracing her. Why does she always have to come to me in times like this? Huh? We're supposed to hate each other. "I don't want to fuck this up. I really don't." You're talking to the right person here. Like I'd know how to keep from fucking up things. "And sometimes ... sometimes I'm so afraid that Linz won't find me attractive anymore..."

Okay, I have to put a stop to this. Now! "Melanie... Way too much information." She chuckles lowly. "And anyway, what's all this about? You will make a great mother, you already are one. And Linz will be by your side, cause she loves you. I may have despised you for ages, but I always knew that you two belonged together. Why do you think I signed over my parental rights to you?" She shrugs. "Well, I didn't do it solely for Linz, or Gus..." Mel looks at me with her big teary eyes now. "Those nights we hung out together with the boys... You were almost likeable. And I could see how much you missed Linz." She sniffs, and if she stained my Gucci shirt, she's dead! "But back to the matter at hand, okay? You're going to be a great mom. And you know why that is?" She shakes her head. "Because there's a whole lot of people who will kick your ass if you screw up. Linz, Justin – especially Justin – Deb ... hell, even me."

She gives me that worried look she's perfected over the years, and mutters, "You know, Linz would have our heads if she could hear all those terrible words we're using in front of Gus." I grin, tongue in cheek. "Then again, he is asleep..." She steps back and wipes her eyes. "I'm sorry. I guess it's all the hormones and stuff." Yeah, sure. Always blame it on the hormones. "But, I really mean it, Brian. Thank you. For tonight, and ... for everything. If it wasn't for you getting back with Justin, I wouldn't be pregnant now. You two are really meant to be." This is getting fucking scary. She shakes her head as if she wants to clear her mind. "Anyway, let's go downstairs again. This whole bonding shit is making me want to vomit." Ah, there's the old Mel – and how I hate her.