Chapter 27 - Gift-giving

Brian

"Please tell me that was the last box..." Oh, I don't know, Mikey. I'm sure we can find another one somewhere. "Where do you want it? Brian?" I motion for him to just put it somewhere – anywhere really. I won't manage to sort out the study before the Holidays anyway. Justin will see to that. Mikey drops the box on top of the others that are sitting under the window, and then falls into one of the leather armchairs I treated myself with. "So how does it feel? Your own house, complete with your own blond twink – oops – make that partner..." He grins, and whenever he does that I think I'm back at high school and he's about sixteen years old. "I'm proud of you, Brian. I never thought you could do it." You and me both. "Guess I didn't count in Justin's persistence." No, I guess you didn't. "And to think that you were this close to losing each other..."

"Gee, Mikey. What do you want? Should I fall to my knees thanking you for straightening out Justin? I thought I already did that." Well, in some roundabout way. He smirks. Okay, if he really wants to have this conversation, I need something to sustain me. Now where's my fucking... Oh shit! That's right. Justin made me get rid of my fun box because there will be kids in the house and my E looks a little too much like candy. In other words, I don't have any drugs in my own fucking house. Except for the weed... Oh well, it'll do. I roll a joint and we are sharing it in silence, for a moment just enjoying each other's company. We haven't been able to hook up for a while now, and I have to admit that I missed him. After all, we've been friends for the best part of our lives, so... Things were just hectic. First there was the whole shit with the kidnapping, then Justin's plan to tame my nephews. Once that was done with, Thanksgiving came along, then the house, and Christmas... And Mikey was also busy, or so Justin tells me. Busy talking some sense into Ben and failing miserably.

I knew all along that silence can't last long when Mikey's around – he must have inherited that from Debbie – and sure enough, he starts talking half-way through the joint. "It really is amazing..." What? The weed? Well, it was expensive enough... "You and Justin – together – in a house of your own." Oh, that. I wouldn't call it 'amazing', Mikey. It's fucking unbelievable. "I think I was expecting this somehow. I mean, even that first night was different, wasn't it? You brought him to the hospital, let him name your son... He wasn't your ordinary trick de jour. He was special. Which was why I hated him so much." Uh-oh. The sky's going to fall down, I just know it. Michael Novotny finally admits that he was jealous of Justin. "I felt like he could be the one. That he could be the one to take that place in your life – the place I always wanted for myself." Okay, you and Justin aren't allowed to play together anymore. You are becoming as mushy as he is, Mikey! My best friend smiles wistfully, "I belittled him whenever possible, told him to stay away from you. I thought he wanted to steal you away from me. It took me some time to realise that what you had with him and what we had were two different things. Even though I hope that he's your best friend as well by now..."

I nod. "Though I'd never tell him. At least not yet. I think I still need some time to get used to all of this relationship shit, especially now. The house was my idea, I know, but it still scares me to think that I want a fucking home with him." And not just for the reasons everyone suspects. Oh no. I'm also terrified that he'll leave me once more. He's not even twenty yet, and it seems unfair of me to tie him down. However, I am a selfish person, and he ... he tells me all the time that this is what he wants, that I am what he wants. And he's just as afraid of screwing up as I am. So maybe... Maybe it will work out. It has to. Cause I can't lose him. One thing's for certain. Should there ever be a second Ian, I would fight for Justin. I wouldn't just let him walk out on me. I would tell him that I want him with me. What the fuck are you still doing here? – Would you care if I wasn't? Fuck, how can anyone be so stupid? Why couldn't I just say it? Yes! I would care. I want you here, because I'd be a wreck if you left. And I was. It wasn't even 24 hours, and I felt as if my life was falling apart. It's your call where you wanna be. You decide. Well, I sure as hell wouldn't do that again.

Mikey is gazing at me funnily, and I take a long drag. "I'm sorry, Mikey." Damn, I'm apologising – for the second time in four days. I need to get an appointment with Kathleen... "I know that I kept you thinking that one day... Even though I knew that it would never happen. I loved you too much as a friend to blow it." He snickers, and I realise belatedly what I just said, "Shit! Well, you can take the pun in whatever way you see fit." He grins and nods. "Anyway, as I was saying, I'm sorry I kept you hoping, waiting... You were the first one to realise I loved him, right? But you didn't want to believe it. You told yourself that I was just deluding myself, but fuck it, Mikey, I didn't know it myself. I figured that I liked being around him, and that I broke my no-repeats rule because he was just fucking great in bed. But I never thought that it could be love. It took me until the Prom ... and then..." I'm getting up, wandering around my new study. "I told myself that he deserved better than me, that if it hadn't been for me... But that's bullshit."

I turn around to face Mikey again, and somehow, everything falls into place then and there. "The night you packed to leave for Paris with Dr Dave, we went to Woody's. We were just about to enter, when Justin saw that fucker Hobbs. I swear I wanted to punch him, particularly after he pushed Justin and called him a fag. I think it would have been better if I had. Justin made a scene, telling everyone around that he'd given Hobbs a hand job, questioning if Hobbs wasn't a faggot himself and only too scared to admit it." I had told Justin then and there that he'd just gone and made himself a real enemy. Why the fuck had I forgotten about that? "I think that, more than anything else, made Hobbs go crazy. I was so fucking scared that night. Did you know that I kept the scarf until Gus' first birthday? I was clinging to it as if it was everything I had of Justin..." Mikey nods. He knew...

"I didn't want to believe it, Brian. Only when that nurse told me you had been at the hospital every night... Not to mention how you nearly broke down trying to calm me when Ben was taken to Allegheny. That showed me how much you loved Justin. And he loved you, he always has." He sighs, "At first, I hoped it was just a crush. But it wasn't. Naïve as he was, he knew what he wanted. He was making you happy. And instead of supporting the both of you, I made things worse for you. Fuck, I think I'm responsible for those rules in a way, aren't I? Cause I had to go and open my big mouth before thinking what I was saying. I simply didn't want to see the truth. There was no way you'd let him stay because you loved him. It had to be pity..." He walks up to me and hugs me. "I'm sorry. I'm only glad that I came around when I did. But I couldn't let you make yourselves even more miserable. When it was so obvious that you were still in love." Shit, I really hope that it's the drugs speaking and that he isn't this mawkish.

But he does have a point. There was this light in Justin's eyes whenever he looked at me. At some point, it went out. "Vermont... That was when he gave up on us. I didn't explain the situation at the agency to him. All I said was that I had to go to Chicago. I should have asked him to come with me, cause that would have shown him that I still wanted to be with him. But I didn't. And then, when I came back ... I wanted to celebrate with him. Hell, I even called him my partner when I returned to the loft. But he wasn't there. I should have gone after him, surprised him at the hotel. Didn't do that, either." I bite my lower lip. "When we went this summer, I told him everything. And he... He said that his week alone had been for shit. That he had missed me terribly..." I catch Mikey's gaze, "Why am I doing these things? Why do I always have to push him away? He's my partner for fuck's sake..." When did this conversation turn out to be so shitty?

"You aren't anymore. Last time I checked, you were the perfect husband... Well, almost." I glare. "Brian, I didn't want to admit it to myself until shortly before the fucked-up Rage party, but you changed. Justin changed you. And I know that you never know what the future will bring, but I have this feeling that you'll still be together when you're sixty." I shudder at that thought. No, not the thought of Justin and I still being together in thirty years, but of me turning sixty! I'm about to tell him that he's ... well, the usual, but he beats me to it. "And I know, I'm pathetic. But you still love me." Do I? Oh well, I guess I do. I cup his face and place a chaste kiss on his lips. And the fucker grins. "Now, I think we should open a window or two, else Justin will throw a tantrum about drugs in the house..."

I chuckle and shake my head, "Oh no, he'll just demand to get some as well." Because somehow weed doesn't qualify as a proper drug in Justin's book. Or he's just preferring it to the cigarettes I'm consuming usually. Or make that 'have been consuming'. What did Mikey say just now? Justin changed me. He sure as hell did. And I don't even mind it. Now if that isn't fucked then what is? "So, you're right, Mikey. Let's go open some windows before my significant other gets a whiff of what we've been up to and wants to join us." The words have not completely left my lips, when the door opens and Justin sticks his blond head inside.

"Now what have you been up to? The whole house smells like Amsterdam on a hot summer day." Um. I think I forgot to close the door to his studio, so... Shit. "So? I'm listening, Kinney. You let me do all the work while you and Mikey have a good time? I don't think so. Go on, gimme a smoke." I share a look with Mikey that says "Told you so." But I know when I'm defeated.

"Just... Don't forget what happened last time you and Mikey got together and drugs were involved. I mean, Rage is okay, but I dread to think what you two will come up with next." Shit, they smirk and wink, and I'm getting scared here. First it's Justin and Linz, and now Mikey's joining Team Justin... I'm so screwed. "Please, just drop it. Okay? At least until after the Holidays." Justin's chuckling like mad, and I knew I shouldn't have given him any drugs. It turns him into a ten-year-old. And contrary to certain people's beliefs, I'm no child molester. So who the fuck is going to blow me later on... These are important questions, and need answering.

"Oh, cheer up, Bri. You're just nervous about tomorrow." Mikey gives him a questioning look, and Justin explains. "You know that the family dinner will be the day after tomorrow?" Mikey nods. "Well, that's because Mom insisted that we – Brian and I, that is – come over to her condo tomorrow. And Brian is anxious because he'll have to spend all day with his mother-in-law and the Mollusc." I grumble, hating it that he's right again. Justin giggles. "And he's also pissed because of all the Christmassy stuff all around. Even though it was his idea to get a tree." Yeah, like I'd have lived another day if there hadn't been a fucking tree.

Justin drops to the floor rather ungracefully, that stupid grin plastered to his face. The joint he's holding between his fingers is almost gone, and when he starts giggling because he thinks the cactus the Munchers gave me for my study – and what the fuck were they trying to tell me with that – anyway, Justin thinks it looks like a cock, and at that moment I decided that he's had enough for one day. "Come on, Sunshine. Time for you to say nighty night to Mikey and get your bubble butt into bed." Oh, yes. Stoned out off his mind. Else he'd put up at least some resistance as I haul him to his feet and walk him up the stairs. Fuck, he's even waving at Mikey – who is breaking down into a giggle fit. Charming. Just the way I pictured the first Christmas Eve in our new house.

---

Justin

My head feels like fucking cotton wool. How could Brian let me smoke the whole damn joint all by myself? He knows how I react to drugs. I think I actually waved Mikey goodbye. Oh fuck! I bury my face in my hands before dragging the sheets up. I'm not going to get up today. Nope. I'm just going to die of embarrassment. Only Brian won't let me. "Rise and shine!" Oh piss off! "Come on, Sunshine. Give me that beautiful smile of yours and light up my life with your fire." I'll give you fire! I hate him, especially when he's so fucking sarcastic. And he is. There's not one sincere word in all the crap he's uttered so far. Fucker! I tell him in my WASPish way to get lost. Okay, I tell him to fuck off. It seems the part of my brain that is responsible for WASPisness hasn't woken up yet. "Now, now, Sunshine. It's Christmas Day. You don't want me to call Santa and ask him to take away all your presents, do you?" I give him the finger and hide beneath my pillow. "Justin ... hello?" He's worse than his fucking alarm. "Wakie wakie." What am I? A three-year-old?

I blow him a raspberry and throw my pillow at him for good measure. "Leave me the fuck alone. Why did you have to let me smoke the whole damn thing? I'm only glad that it was just in front of Mikey. If it had been Emmett... You know how he gets. He'd have made cooing sounds and stuff." Brian looks kinda dumbstruck, and I giggle. This is almost too easy. "And to think... He could have gotten me to admit my deepest and darkest secrets. And trust me, he would have tried." Brian seems to have recovered from the initial shock, and is now moving to straddle me. "Um, is that coffee for me?" He's holding a steaming mug, and I'd kill for caffeine right now. I reach for it, but he slaps my hand away.

"Oh no, Sunshine. I remember you telling me that too much coffee isn't good for me. Hang on ... what was that again? It causes high blood pressure, heart attack, poor sexual performance – though I'm still doubting that one – and insomnia. Did I get that right? So, by keeping this wonderfully smelling, delicious coffee from you, I'm actually doing you a favour." I can't believe he remembers all that shit. And uses it against me now. "But I'm sure, since you've got youth on your side, you'll have no problems getting out of bed without caffeine poisoning..." It's official, I hate him. I make another grab for the mug, but he evades my hands again, and places the coffee on the floor next to the bed. "No, no, Sunshine. I want you around for a long time..." I want you safe, and I want you around for a long time. I was such an idiot... "So, no evil caffeine for you. But you can choose the bucket of iced water." He winks, tongue-in-cheek grin securely in place, and that calls for a tickle attack.

Unfortunately, he sees the movement of my hands and has them pinned above my head before I even know what's happening. "Hmm, the things I could do to you now. You're so vulnerable, defenceless..." Each word is accompanied by a kiss to my throat, my neck, and finally my lips. Alright, I have to admit that this works even better than any coffee ever could. His tongue is battling with mine, and I feel certain parts of my nether regions showing some interest in the current activities. He notices it as well, and breaks away, smirking. "Now what have we here, Mr Taylor? I think someone is happy to see me. Well, who can blame you. I am, without doubt, the most amazing, wonderful, brilliant and sexy man alive." Yup, and don't forget that you are also the most modest man alive. "Hmm, I'm wondering what I should do with you..." Don't you dare, you asshole...

He releases my hands, and for a moment I'm really worried that he'll get up and leave me. But then he slides down my body, trailing a wet path down my stomach until he reaches his destination. His eyes are locking with mine, and my breath hitches as I see them glaze over with lust. There's a small droplet of pre-come, and he's licking it away, his eyes closing in pleasure. Oh shit. How am I to last like this? He swirls his tongue over the head before blowing on it. I shudder. "Fuck!" He smirks, and suddenly my entire length is engulfed in wet heat. But before I can really begin to enjoy myself, he's drawing back. "What the fuck? Brian?" He's getting to his feet, and... No, he's only divesting himself of his jeans and the wife beater he's been wearing. When he's lowering himself to the bed again, he crawls up my body, retracing the path he took only minutes ago. He reaches for the lube on the nightstand, preparing himself before spreading a generous amount over my leaking cock.

Fuck! I don't think we ever did it this way. He's sinking down on my dick, his walls gripping me tightly, and I'm in heaven. He's lacing our fingers, and starts a lazy rhythm. We both know that it won't last long, that we won't last long, but for the time being, it's alright. More than alright. To quote Mikey, it's fan-fucking-tastic. But I don't want to think about Mikey right now. Brian throws back his head and moans, and I think I just found his prostate – or rather, he did. "Justin..." He's slowly speeding up his movements, and draws one of my hands to his cock. Well, you only have to ask. I stroke him in time with my upward thrusts, and soon I feel his balls tightening, announcing his impending orgasm. He groans as he shoots his load all over my chest and belly, his muscles milking my own dick and moments later I join him in ecstasy. He slumps forward and murmurs, "Love you, Jus... Happy Christmas..."

I reply in kind, hugging him to me. If anyone had told me this time last year that I'd be here right now, I'd have called a shrink. It's not as if Brian ignored Christmas last year, but he spent a large amount of the time at Babylon, drinking and fucking while I was at Mom's, alone. And now we're not only in our own house, but he'll also join my mother's Christmas dinner today. And somehow that is the best gift of them all. The way he committed himself to me, to us. And every time he tells me that he loves me is like Christmas and my birthday in one. But I won't tell him that. Else I might get no more presents, and that would be fucked. Brian's finally managed to get his breathing under control and rolls away from me. "See, isn't that a better way to wake up? By the way, that was your second option. You know, iced water, or steaming hot sex. I'm glad you chose the latter." So am I, Bri, so am I.

After a languid shower, complete with more fucking and sucking, I finally make my way down to the living room. As I gaze at the tree, my heart is sinking. Nothing has changed there. There are piles of presents, yes, but those are all for tomorrow, for our family. Brian didn't... No, that's not true. He got me this house. I really shouldn't have hoped for anything else. I guess I was expecting too much. I pad over to the dining room to retrieve his present – another painting, this time of him and Gus. He caught up with me and wraps his arms around my waist. "Is that for me?" I nod, swallowing around the lump in my throat. "Well, can I open it?" I nod again, forcing back the tears that are burning at the back of my eyes. I hand the wrapped painting to him, watching him rip the paper, and then... "Justin... It's beautiful..."

"I thought you could hang it in the study. At least it would get Mikey off your back..." I try a small smile, but know that I'm failing miserably. "I ... I just go and check on something in my studio, okay?" Yes, if I have any Kleenex there. He just mumbles "Okay" and I'm off. But the moment I open the studio door, I stop dead in my tracks. I know for a fact that I hadn't put up any of my easels yet. Nor did I have new paint and brushes, and crayons – those are the really expensive ones, too – and I certainly didn't have all those canvases that are propped up against the wall. Oh shit. "Brian?" I can't believe it. This is more than I ever dared to hope for. Before, he never showed any interest in my art beyond paying for my education and buying that computer for me. Who am I kidding here? He enabled me to create something when I thought it was all over. Shit! And I behaved like a fucking idiot.

By now, Bri has joined me, and I'm throwing my arms around him, showering his face with kisses. "I take it you like it? I'm sorry, I didn't know what you were using usually since I made you paint at P.I.F.A. ... so I asked Linz what was best and she gave me a list..." Can it be that Brian Kinney is nervous? "I still have the receipts for it all, so if anything is wrong, just tell me, okay. And we can replace it. The same goes for the stuff I got for the loft." He got me even more things? "Since you have two studios now, I thought it would be good to have them both equipped and ready, cause you never know when inspiration hits. And I also thought... You know, we could put the computer into my study. I know you wanted it here, but I'm not sure it would agree very well with paint smears and such. And I wouldn't mind having you around while I'm working..."

Can he get even more romantic than that? I know that I've lost my battle against the tears some time ago, but I don't give a shit right now. "It's perfect, Brian. It's all the things I need, and more. But you really didn't have to..." He's shushing me, showing me that there's no room for discussion. It's my Christmas gift, after all. "Alright then. Thank you. So much." I still can't grasp it. I have my own studio – no, I have two! "As for the computer, are you sure I won't get in your way?" He glares like I knew he would.

"Justin, I have no doubt, no doubt whatsoever, that you will annoy me to no end. But if that really bothered me, do you think I'd have bought this house? Do you think I'd have let you stay at the loft for so long? Besides, Linz tells me that she and the whale," I slap him for that, "I'm sorry, she and dearest Melanie are arguing all the time. But that the make-up sex is absolutely stellar." Why thank you for that mental image. I think I have to puke. "And it's the same for Mikey and the professor. So, even if you get in my way, I wouldn't particularly mind. After all, it's all part of the package deal." I arch my brow at that. "Oh, you know – fall in love, almost blow it because you're too fucking scared to admit the truth to yourself and your partner, have a friend straighten you out, get shot, sign some stupid papers since you're finally ready to make a commitment, buy a house... This is called a relationship, Sunshine. I thought you of all people knew that."

I smile, "Oh, I don't know. If memory serves, Michael straightened me out, not you. And as for getting shot ... I could have done without that." He shrugs, and I bury my head against his chest. "Tell me... Could it be that you and Mikey were talking about us yesterday? You know ... our past?"

He stares at me indignantly, "Now you're telling me! You and Mikey! I always knew it. So tell me, Taylor. About your past with Mikey!" I slap him again, and he grins, and kisses me. When he draws back, he's gazing at me seriously. "We were... He ... he told me why he disliked you so much at first. Fuck, he knew it way before I did ... that I loved you, I mean. I finally told him that I was sorry for ... you know, keeping his hopes up. When I knew that I'd never be able to love him that way. Even before you came along. But after... We were so fucked up. And then some blond twink comes along and changes my life forever." I give him a Sunshine smile. "He's happy for us, and – God forbid – proud of me." Well, he's not the only one, Mr Kinney. But I know that it would be too much for Brian if I told him that. So I content myself with dragging him into the study to find a place for his new painting. I think he really loves it. Well, not nearly as much as I love him.