Chapter 30 - Trouble in Paradise

Justin

Jenny just fell asleep in my arms, and I swear to God that Brian – yup, Brian Fucking Kinney – was making baby noises. I think he's completely smitten with my – our – daughter. Whenever he's holding her, he gets this look, filled with a tenderness that I never saw before. And he also insists that she'll keep her blue eyes, even though everyone and their dog tells him that most babies have blue eyes after they are born. "She is Justin's daughter, and while that stupid Mendel fucked up her hair colour, she is going to have her father's eyes. And that is final." I mean, why is he blaming Mendel now? He only found out about heredity and dominant and recessive genes and such. It's not Mr Mendel's fault that blond hair is recessive, is it? But according to Brian it's a personal offence. Anyway, where was I? Ah yes. Jenny just fell asleep. Well, no wonder there. She had a taxing day. Meeting all those strange new people, getting cold water poured over her head...

She's now officially christened, and I was sure Mel would throw a fit. But she just smiled, holding our daughter, before handing her over to Brian and me. I had signed over my parental rights to Linz right after the birth and our little trip to the roof. I guess I was afraid that, if I didn't do it as soon as possible, I would lose the strength to do it. But after we got a new stack of papers, filled with all sorts of regulations and paragraphs and whatever else Mel felt like putting into them, I wasn't so antsy anymore. I might not be a legal parent anymore, but I am a guardian. Just like Brian. So if anything happens to Jenny – or Gus – we have as much right to know what's going on as Mel and Linz. And that is a good thing. Brian told me about that time when Gus was sick, and Mel wasn't allowed to go with Linz... I don't think I could endure that. Jenny has stolen my heart the moment I saw her... I want her safe, and I want her to be ecstatically happy. Well, with Brian as her second father, that shouldn't be too much of a problem. It will be much harder to keep him from spoiling her too much.

Brian reaches for her now, taking her from my arms and places her into her crib. The nursery has been redecorated – thanks to a certain ad-exec. Mel left the hospital yesterday, so Brian only had one day to sort things out. But somehow he managed. Like he always does. He's leaning down to brush a soft kiss onto Jenny's forehead, and I notice a movement in the doorway. Mel came to check up on us it seems, and the way she now studies Brian... It's odd. I can almost hear the wheels in her head turn, but I've no idea what she's thinking. Maybe it's just one of her lesbian things. Or maybe she's regretting that she wanted me to father... But that's bullshit. We've been over this whole thing time and again, and she's really happy that I agreed to be the daddy. Jenny and Gus might not be related by blood, but that doesn't matter. They are related in any other way – in ways that really count. Mel is smiling, and then catches my gaze and motions for me to join her. Brian doesn't even notice. He's enthralled by our small daughter, watching over her sleep.

Mel draws me down the stairs and into the living room. She's still moving carefully, and I'm wondering if it was right for her to leave the Allegheny so soon after giving birth. Apparently, she notices that I'm staring at her, a worried line on my forehead, and she shakes her dark head. "I'm fine, Justin. Just a little tired. Cause if you think your daughter is a little angel at all times, you're sadly fucking mistaken. She was screaming at the top of her lungs last night, demanding to be fed. Of course, Gus was woken by the racket, and ended up sleeping in our bed." Aww, poor Mel. "I'll be so glad when this whole feeding thing is over and Linz can get up to give her a bottle of milk." She frowns suddenly, "And yet... Justin, it's such a miracle... The way she drinks from..." She snickers, "I'm sorry, too much information, yes? Well, I just wanted to say how close I'm feeling to her. Like she's a part of my life I've been missing so far." She sinks down on the couch. "Linz was right when she told me that I needed to experience this."

For years, Mel had lived with the belief that she would never be able to bear a child. But the wonders of modern medicine changed that. And by the time they asked me to be the father, everything was fine. Obviously. She got pregnant after the first try. And now we are parents. Shit. It still sounds so odd. After all, I'm only nineteen, five weeks away from turning twenty to be exact. But for some reason that was no obstacle. And I think there was the fact that Brian and I were true partners after ... well ... I don't want to dwell upon that. "He really loves her, doesn't he?" What? Who loves whom? "Brian, you know? I mean, he was tender with Gus when he was a baby, but with Jenny... It's different, even though she's not his biological child. It's like... It's like he's no longer afraid of opening up when others are around. I don't think I ever saw him look at anyone with that much adoration and love... Well, except for you, of course."

I feel myself blush. So I'm not deluding myself here. Brian really looks at me like that. Shit! "Yes, he does love her, very much. But he also loves Gus. I guess there was that fear that he could turn out like his own father – that's what made him hold back. But he's changed. I know he wants to be a father for Gus now as much as he wants to be the evil stepfather for Jenny." Mel nods and chuckles, wondering if we'd ever let that one go. "Oh no. It's just too funny. Besides, I remember calling Mikey evil stepmother when the son of Dr Dave was coming over for the weekend. That was the same weekend I tried to feed Gus hot milk..." She hugs me. "I'm never going to forgive myself for that. I could have burnt him... And don't you start about how Brian shouldn't have left Gus in my care. He just wasn't ready to put another's needs before his own. And I think we both know why that was..."

She nods again, "He was slowly but steadily falling deeper and deeper, but of course didn't want to admit it to himself. So it was 'party all night' and 'fuck your brains out at every opportunity' for him, wasn't it? Still, it was irresponsible." That it was. But after his father told him that he was sick – dying actually – Brian simply had to flee reality. But I can't tell her that. "However, I agree with you. He has changed. Fuck, I never thought I'd say that. Linz was right all along, I guess. The moment you came along was a turning point in Brian's life. In all our lives, really." Great, she's making me blush again. "I'm just... How did you do it? How did you manage to put up with all of his shit and finally get him where you are now?" How would I know? Luck? Or maybe it was my persistence. "You are an amazing young man, Justin. Which is why we asked you to be Jenny's father. That and..." I raise my eyebrow. Yes? "Well, the thought of having a child with Brian ... I was having nightmares of yet another little version of that asshole running around. I don't know if you noticed, but Gus is becoming more and more like him with every passing day. And as much as I love him, I don't think the world is ready for a clone of him ... only ten times worse."

Wait a second. She's actually admitting that she and Brian are alike? I have to mark the day in my calendar. "Well, I think it would have been funny. Your sharp intellect and Brian's ability to get whatever he wants... A deadly combination." She smiles wistfully. "That's it, isn't it? You were afraid that your child might turn the tables on you." She looks away, but doesn't deny it. "Well, I hate to break it to you, Mel, since it's too late now... But according to Brian, I'm the one you want to look out for, not him." And he's right. I can be a little devil if I want to be. And if Jenny inherited that character trait, we are doomed. "You met Molly, right? Well, I was a million times worse than she is. But I had my angelic looks, so I got away with everything..." I bat my lashes at Mel, and she seems stunned. "Didn't mention that, did I? I'm so sorry."

Brian is walking in on us at that moment, and I can't believe my eyes. Mel jumps up and attaches herself to Bri's side. And he actually hugs her back while admonishing me. Or trying to, because reproving me never works if you're chuckling like mad. "Sunshine, Sunshine. What did I tell you about scaring the mother of your child? It's not nice. You should be ashamed of yourself." Oh, I am. Terribly ashamed. I'm going to hide in a corner right away. Not! "Especially if said mother is a cwazy wesbian and might run to me for comfort." Okay, I can't keep from giggling. Mel punches Brian in the chest but doesn't seem willing to let go of him even though he just offended her. "See, she's even abusing me now. Go on, Sunshine. Apologise. Or wait until Linz gets back with Gus. Though I'm warning you. She has rather hurtful ways to get you to do what she wants." He points to his groin and then squeezes his hand into a fist. Ouch!

"Um, Mel? I'm sorry?" Okay, I'm not really sorry, but I like my balls intact, thank you very much. Mel turns to me and looks at me doubtfully. "Seriously, it won't be that bad. And we'll be there to take some of them brunt." She releases Brian, and he's sagging with relief. I think he's still spooked whenever Mel treats him in a – dare I say it – friendly manner. Well, I think it's time I changed the topic. "By the way, Mel... I haven't thanked you yet for all the work you put into those documents. They seem pretty much watertight." She smiles. "It means a lot to us." Now Brian is glaring at me, even though he was just as giddy about becoming Jenny's legal guardian as I was. If not more. Mel sees, and slaps Brian's back. Bri just shakes his head at the both of us, and drops into an armchair. "Oh, come on. Admit it, Brian. It means a lot to you, doesn't it?" He gives me the finger and turns his head away, pouting. Fuck, he can be such a baby at times.

He's still sulking when Linz and Gus get back from their little trip to the Big Q. Gus had insisted on getting his baby sister a new toy, and that was that. Mel was right about one thing – Gus is getting more and more like Brian. Anyway, Gus introduces us all to Mr Teddy before climbing the stairs to check on his sister. "He's been telling everyone about Jenny. He seems so proud of her. And of being the big brother now. I just hope that will last and he won't get jealous." I try to calm her, saying that I was never jealous of Molly. No, I just wanted to kill her on more than one occasion for getting on my nerves big time. Of course, I don't tell Linz. That would be counterproductive. "I hope you're right, Justin. It's just... You know how Brian was never much of a father in Gus' early days, and..." That stops Brian's sulking most effectively.

"Lindsay, I know I made mistakes, but fuck! I'm really trying to change things. I think I've spend more time with Gus in the past six months than in the previous two years. And he knows that." Linz is close to tears, I can tell, but I think it's only the stress of the past couple of days that's catching up with her. Brian seems to notice it as well, cause he's getting up and hugs Linz tightly. "Even if I wanted to go back to how things were, do you seriously think that Justin would let me get away with that? He's going to make sure that both Jenny and Gus know that I ... you know ... oh fuck ... that I love them. Okay? Besides, I might not be a full-time dad, but the fact that Gus has his own room in our house should tell you something, Linz."

She sniffs, and nods. "I'm sorry. I just..." And suddenly she smiles, "I'm proud of you, Brian. I really am. Who would have thought that you of all people would become a family man." Bri looks like he's going to be sick, and Mel and I start snickering. "You are the man I always knew you could be. Even though I thought you could be the family man with me." Now Mel is having a coughing fit. Linz grins at her, "But all things being equal, I'm glad that everything turned out the way it did. You and I leading a hetero life, that would never have worked. No, it's better the way it is. You and Justin, and Mel and I. Not to mention Gus and Jenny. We might not be what people would call a normal family, but we are one nonetheless." Amen to that, Linz...

---

Brian

Thank God we managed to leave the Twilight Zone – also known as the Munchers' house – when we did. Anymore of Linz' sappiness and I would have puked. And as if Linz hadn't been enough already, Mel gave me that look again. Fuck, she's really not going to let it rest. How stupid can a person be? At least for the next couple of years. A seemingly innocent sentence, right? Well, not for Melanie Marcus. I just hope she doesn't tell Justin – or worse, Linz. I can hear her now, "You know that you only have to ask, Brian. I'd love to be your surrogate mother..." Nope, not going to happen. Ever. At least not with Linz. Fuck, there's that at least again. Shit. "Brian? Are you even listening to me?" Um, of course I am, Sunshine. What were you saying? He scowls, "I wanted to know if you feel like a having a little poster-spree tonight. You know, we were somewhat distracted..." That's an interesting way of putting it. "But Stockwell deserves to see what we think of him, right? So..."

"So you thought we could plaster the city again, yes? You are aware that we both have to get to work tomorrow." He shrugs. "Well, I'm up for it if you are, Sunshine." He wiggles his eyebrows, informing me that he's always up for it when I'm around. I guess I should have seen that one coming. "Well, I guess we can do something about that before we head out to safe the world." Fuck, I sound like the hero of his stupid comic book. Then again, it's not so stupid after all. I'm the model for Rage... So, once we get home, JT gives Rage a blow job before being fucked into oblivion. And around eleven p.m. we set out to do our good deed for the day. I feel like a fucking boy scout.

The Laughing Stock poster actually attracts more attention than Justin's first masterpiece, and there's even an editorial about it in the paper. I really wouldn't want to be on his team right now. He must be livid. And he's losing points in the poll faster than we expected. Okay, I've to admit that our campaign for councillor Deekins is brilliant. But somehow I feel that posters and such aren't enough to bring down our dearest Police Chief. It's three weeks until election day, and there simply has to be something to nail him. Metaphorically speaking. I wouldn't go near him with pliers.

I'm just going over the boards for my next meeting when Cynthia bursts into my office. "Brian, I know you're busy but... Father Tom is here. I think something's wrong with your mother..." What, did she pass out drunk again? That's nothing new, Cyn. "I'm going to tell Vance that something personal has come up and that you won't be able to be at the meeting after all." What the fuck is wrong? I don't give a shit about my mother, so why would I...

"Brian, I'm sorry. Your mother has a friend who's working as a part-time secretary at the church. And she found out about Gus and Jenny..." So? I don't care if my mother knows that I have a son, or that my partner has a daughter... "Brian, you don't understand. You and Justin are their godfathers, and it's not exactly..." Oh fuck! "Joan could stir up lots of trouble for you, even try to get the youth welfare involved..." Because we are gay and Mel and Linz are dykes. That's just great. "Nothing has to happen, I just wanted to warn you." Oh no, you better warn my mother. Because if she tries even the tiniest thing to harm my family I'm going to show her just what I'm capable of. "Brian?" I'm out of the office and in my jeep in record time, and before long I'm standing on my mother's porch.

After ringing the door bell for about three minutes, she finally opens. "Oh Brian..." She has this smile on her face that makes me what to rip off her head. "I haven't seen you in ages." Yes, Mother. Not since that day at the hospital. "You didn't even come here for Christmas. But then, neither did your sister. I guess you are involved in that as well, aren't you?" You bet I am. "Well, come in. I don't want the neighbours to think we have a problem in the family." Of course, still the same old hypocrite. It's all about appearance. I enter, and walk into the living room. She moves over to her bottle of liquor – it won't help you, Joanie, it sure as hell didn't help me – and crosses her arms over her chest. "I think I can guess why you're here. This isn't a social call, is it? Well, something like that can't be expected of an abomination such as yourself."

I'm not going to strangle her, I'm not! But it's getting hard not to. "If you are referring to my relationship with Justin... We aren't the abominations here, Mother. You are!" I'm surprised that she stands her ground. She doesn't even look phased. Well, that's about to change. "You want me to explain this to you? Do you? I love him! It took me quite some time to realise it, but I do. I love him. All my life you made me believe that I was unworthy of being loved. He was the one who made me recognise that you were wrong. He broke through the walls I had erected around myself, to tune out everything you and Pop sent my way. Fuck. I was so good at closing myself off that I couldn't even bear the thought of having feelings – for anyone. If that was your intent, well, congratulations, Joanie. You did a fabulous job at it." She swallows, but that's about it. "And then Justin came along. It was he who made me become myself again. So don't you dare tell me that it's wrong. That our love is wrong! You wouldn't know anyway. Cause what do you know about love?!"

She stares at me disdainfully, "I know what the Bible says. You are going to hell, and you'll take that boy with you. But I can make sure that you won't do the same to innocent children." She laughs, "I will not stand by while my grandson and that little girl are growing up in a den of perversion. You might think that I don't know about love, but you're wrong. I know God's love. And whether you believe it or not, I always loved you and your sister." Now that's the biggest fucking joke I've ever heard. "I know that I failed to show it to you, that I could never undo the harm your abusive father inflicted upon you. But why did you have to go out of your way to spite me? Why become a ... a sodomite!" She spits out the word as if it was something disgusting. It probably is for her.

"I didn't choose to be gay. I am gay! Your precious God made me gay! And don't try telling me that you ever cared about anyone but yourself. You didn't reject Jack's idea of an abortion because you loved me, no. It was just because you thought it would be a sin. Well, think again. Maybe you should have done it after all. Then you wouldn't have to live with this pervert of a son." I advance upon her, and she's finally showing some kind of a response. She flinches, only slightly, but I can see it nevertheless. "But you know what? You are the pervert here. You claim that you always follow the Lord's word. But in order to do so, you have to drink yourself into a stupor?! Do you think that your beloved God wants a follower such as yourself? A woman who would rather break up a family – as strange as my family might seem, it is one – a woman who would rather break up a loving family than try to understand it and see it as one of God's own creations."

"You can mock me all you want, but you cannot mock Him! To think that He died for the likes of you. The likes of your so-called family. It makes me sick. And to think that you pulled Father Tom into your scheming! Have you no respect for his position?" She's seething, once more reminding me of the reasons behind her nickname. The Warden, indeed. "Well, it is obviously too late for you. But it isn't for little Gus and Jenny. I have talked to a lawyer, Brian. And he thinks that I should notify the authorities. It's a scandal!" Oh yes? "How could you, Brian? How could you turn your face from His teachings? Have I taught you nothing?"

"Oh, you taught me alright. To hide who I am. To be ashamed of myself. To believe that no one could ever care about me. That are the things you taught me, Mother! I'm telling you now, and I won't repeat myself. If you try to take Gus and Jenny away from us, I will make you pay. And so will Melanie – you know, Jenny's mother? She's a lawyer, and a damn good one at that. You will beg for mercy before it's over. And when it is, we will still have our children. You didn't think that the whole godparents stuff was our only plan, did you? Justin and I are the legal guardians of the two kids. Just like Melanie and Lindsay are their parents." She's eyeing her bottle. Sure, Joanie. That's your true God, isn't it? "Stop before it's too late." I could keep on yelling. I guess I could even slap her for insinuating that Justin could ever go to hell. Not that I believe in that shit. But I won't. I turn on my heels and leave her to her drink.

But I'm not going back to the agency. I'm driving around for an hour or two, too wired to do anything but brood. How dare she? I never had a real family, thanks to her and Jack. Only when I met Mikey, Deb and Vic did I figure out what I'd been missing all along. And now that I have built a family of my own, with the man I love, she's trying to destroy it. Well, I won't let her. Not now, not ever. I've fought too hard for this. Okay, okay. It was mostly Justin fighting me, but that's beside the point. Somehow I end up at Woody's, and for the first time in I don't know how long, I feel like getting pissed. But I only manage one shot of Whisky and one beer before my partner shows up. "Thought I'd find you here." Fuck, he knows me far too well. "Father Tom called Mel, and she called me. I guess you went to your mother, yes?" I nod. "Bri, you know that she can't do anything about this. There's no way she'll be able to take the kids away from us."

"If you're so sure, Sunshine, why are you talking so fast?" He always does when he's upset about something – mostly me. "But I told my sainted mother that if she tries anything, she'll live to regret it." I draw him into my arms, trying to eat him alive. "There's no way, no way in hell, that I'll stand back and watch her ruin everything. And I won't let her call you..." He shuts me up with another kiss, and when we come up for air, I've forgotten what I was about to say. "I love you, Sunshine." So we're at Woody's, so what? "And I won't let anyone cause us any trouble. I can do that on my own most of the time." He chuckles and embraces me again. "We'll get through this – as a family." He nods, and before long we are on our way to the Munchers where we will decide on a plan for the upcoming battle. If Saint Joan is really so stupid as to go through with this. But somehow I think she is. Pity... She's no idea just who she is up against.