Chapter 44 - Caught

Justin

Yesterday passed relatively uneventful. Well, apart from Brian's almost constant whining about cosmic cruelty, and his fear that his cock might just fall off due to neglect. He's such a queen, but has the balls to call Emmett – and even me – a drama queen at times. What a fucker. He has an appointment at Dr. Franklin's office again today – I think the good doc is slowly turning into Brian's new nemesis – and I hope the doctor will have good news for Brian. It would be better for everyone involved. Cause he's really getting cranky, and it's driving me fucking nuts. He was prissy all morning, and I was glad to leave him and head to P.I.F.A. My professor was handing out our assignments, and I'm still bouncing cause I got all the credit points I needed to be able to attend his summer course. An important step towards my goal to finish early. It really seems possible now, especially because working at Vanguard enables me to skip a few other classes.

I think that one was Brian's idea. Either he or Gardner must have called the Dean's office... Well, the rest is history. In return, Vanguard is now accepting two student interns from P.I.F.A. every term, which is fucking great for the agency, if you ask me. I mean, it was my orange idea that landed the initial Eyeconics account... Brian still grumbles whenever someone mentions it, and Gardner... Well, he told me I should check each and every board – of the important campaigns, that is – before they are printed. Solely for artistic reasons, of course. Not because it pissed off Brian. But I think Mr Kinney kinda likes this arrangement, and whenever he's stuck, he's now asking for my opinion. That brainstorming session we had on Tuesday – which ended in front of my computer and with me sketching some ads we came up with – was a nice example...

Anyway, I'm still bouncing when I get to Red Cape – Mikey had called earlier, saying that he wanted to discuss the upcoming fourth issue of Rage. The store is relatively empty, and I'm once again wondering how Mikey survives at all. Probably because of the gay crusader. The two kids who've been leafing through issues of Superman and Fantastic Four finally decide on something and then it's just Mikey and me. He makes his way past me to turn the sign in the door to Be right back and then comes up to me to give me a hug. And if you ask me, he's pretty damn happy about something. "Our publisher sent me two copies, one with the cover you liked, the other... Only problem – I really can't decide which one to use..." He chuckles. "But, I was thinking... Maybe we should keep both. You know, some people might buy both issues..." That's a very ... Brianesque idea. Which is how I know that it could actually work.

So I nod my head in consent and he grins. "Alright then. Oh, and I have another cheque for you." He retrieves it from behind the counter and hands it to me. And I blink. Five thousand dollars. "Great, isn't it? And that's just from what we sold on the net..." Mikey looks kinda proud, and I have to admit that he's doing a great job with the marketing work and all that shit I didn't want to get involved in. "Now..." Suddenly his face turns all serious, and that never bodes well. Especially since he's usually doing a pretty good imitation of Emmett, being bouncy and cheerful – particularly when we've discussed the comic. Not today... "Care to tell me what's wrong between you and Brian?" Oh shit! He drops down on that fucking uncomfortable chair of his and stares at me, eyebrow raised. "He's been fucking irritable all week, and I know if I'd ask him he'd deny it, even though it's practically jumping into your face. So what the fuck is wrong? You're not, you know, about to break up, are you?"

I had lowered my gaze to my very interesting sneakers, but now my head snaps up, my eyes searching his. He doesn't really think that... No, he's winking, so I know he's not really expecting that of me anymore. "Then again, you're too smart to do something like that, aren't you?" He grins. "Besides, I'd kick that bubble butt of yours. After all the trouble I went through to make you see reason. Though, right now, I'd understand it... He must be driving you insane. So ... what is it? An account that fell through? Jenny puking all over his new Armani suit?" That makes me chuckle. Cause I don't think Brian would queen out over that. He loves Jenny too much...

Mikey is staring at me intently, clearly waiting for an answer I'm not sure I can give. Shit! What do I tell him? With the exception of Mel, Linz and Vic, no one knows. And Brian made me swear that I wouldn't tell a living soul. I actually got the impression that it's not so much the cancer / cyst business he wants to keep a secret, but the celibate thing. Cause he's the fucking Stud of Liberty Avenue, and that simply doesn't go very well with being celibate. And our friends aren't exactly known for being all nice when given a chance to gloat. Shit! I'm hearing Ted now... "The great Brian Kinney can't use his best piece... Aww, poor Brian. Well, maybe that will give lesser beings such as myself the chance to finally score..." Of course, that would simply be Ted's way of getting back at Brian for all the times he was the victim of Brian's wit. After all, Ted is living his own, boring version of the life of a Stepford fag with Blake, and I don't think I've ever seen him more ... well ... content. I don't believe the word happy is even part of Ted's vocabulary... And Brian... Well, he's only scoring with a certain blond twink – myself. And I'm quite sure he doesn't miss his tricking one bit. Fuck, I know it. There's no more doubting it.

Anyway, Emmett would take a different approach, going down the pity road – and we all know how Brian reacts to that particular sentiment. Though, right now it might not be a bad idea... Hmm. So, yeah, Em would show compassion – in his very own way. "Oh, poor baby... That's terrible. I mean, I know how much you love to fuck Justin's brains out ... we've all witnessed it at least once, and you're fan-fucking-tastic together." Okay, maybe that's my own subconscious talking. But we are a sight to be seen – Brian and I – or so I'm told. Besides, I really wouldn't put a statement like this past Auntie Em. "And now you can't... Well, let's hope for Justin's sake that your dick won't fall off..." And since Brian already voiced a concern similar to this... Well, it just wouldn't be pretty, that's all I'm saying. Or thinking – whatever.

Eamon – if he doesn't know already – would probably roll on the floor, figuratively speaking, laughing his ass off. And he'd say that it was cosmic justice, and that Brian brought it upon himself. After all, my dearly beloved not only makes a point of kissing me within an inch of my life whenever our poor, hetero friends are around, but he also hands out good advice about how to properly fuck a woman and stuff. Like he's an expert from the few times he and Linz... Not a thought I want to dwell on. I mean ... I love Linz, I really do. But that is just gross. Just like that one time with Daph... I guess that was the one time Brian's words really could be applied – I was young and inexperienced, and fucking stupid! Anyway, Eamon would have a heyday, and so would Kathy. Though she would simply snicker, her eyes filled with glee. That would set Brian off, and I'd have my hands full with a very annoyed drama queen.

Ben and Mikey... Now their reaction could be anything from honest-to-God compassion to the most annoying form of glee. In any case, if I tell Mikey now, it's only a question of time until our entire family – and that includes Debbie – knows as well. Fuck! I don't even want to think about Debbie's reaction. And if she ever finds out that Vic knew... Uh-oh. I so don't want to be in Vic's place when that happens. Cause Deb will be royally pissed. However, these musings – while entertaining – don't really help me one bit right now. Mikey's waiting, and after all he's done for me – for us – I just can't tell him an outright lie. And if I disclose only a tiny little bit, he's going to wheedle the whole damn thing out of me. Shit! I'm so screwed. Okay, so I'm going to tell him, so what?! Brian should have known this would happen. After all, I told him I'd be dropping by the comic book store this afternoon. But I can at least make sure that Mikey doesn't tell anyone – not even Ben. "Alright, but you've to promise me that you'll keep quiet about what I'm going to tell you. Okay?"

Mikey's brows furrow, and I know he probably thinks that something really, really bad happened, but I can't help that. "Justin, if... Shit, it's something big, isn't it?" Not really, Mikey. At least not for me. But it could have been. "Fine. I promise. My lips are sealed." Well, I hope that also means that he won't put an ad into the next issue of Out or some shit like that. Wouldn't be the first time he did something like that. It's all part of the newly-found friendship – and only friendship – he and Brian share. It's really amazing if you think about it. Last year, before the Rage party, I was still convinced that if Mikey had the chance to hit it off with Brian, he would. And fuck both Ben and me. I mean, he fucking told Brian about Ethan! What was I to think? And then, from one moment to the other, he's suddenly not only accepting that the best he can hope to get from Brian is his friendship, but he also tells me what a mother-fucking piece of shit I was. And since that morning after the party, both his relationship with Brian has improved greatly, but also the one I share with Mikey.

Truth be told, when we started working on Rage, he was a business partner for me. Nothing more, nothing less. He'd made sure that I never saw him as my friend. How often had he accidentally tried to drive Brian and me apart? Like the day he told me that Brian had taken me in because he pitied me – the poor little faggot who'd gotten bashed in the head. Or when he claimed more and more of Brian's time. Or – and that hurt the most – when Brian was about to drag me off into the backroom, and Mikey had to point out some hot ass. I fucking hated him for that. However, once we were working side by side on the comic ... I don't know, I think I came to like him on some level. I mean, I told him how I never got to talk about Hobbs and all that shit! But I was still wary of Mikey. Up until the moment he made me see that Brian loved me, that he fucking needed me just like I needed him. Ever since then, we're teaming up against Brian more often than not, and have become real friends – something I never thought possible after first meeting Mikey and realising that he thought Brian was his. And now... Now I'm about to tell him that Brian had a narrow escape from the big C.

I run my fingers through my hair and begin, "Last Thursday I was working at the loft. You know, I had this assignment to finish, and then I was doodling a bit because I had this idea for a new painting. Anyway, I guess I didn't lock the fucking door cause suddenly I'm standing face to face with Brian's mother." Mikey freezes. "She'd heard through the grapevine that we went and made a joke of the holiness of matrimony. And that's a direct quote. So I called Brian, and we had a little chat, and eventually I threw her out. After she slapped me, that is. Brian was, well, not too happy about it." Mikey nods, but doesn't interrupt. Will wonders never cease? "I went about distracting him, and it worked pretty well until I ... I found this lump on his left ball..." He's opening his mouth to speak, but I'm stopping him. "Don't panic, it was just a cyst. But let me assure you that we had a joyful weekend waiting for the results."

Shit, I should have known what would happen. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" I explain that Brian wasn't exactly thinking straight, and I also mention that I had to use Gus and Jenny to cheer him up. But clearly Mikey's still pissed. "I'm his best friend, for fuck's sake. Hell, I'm your friend, Justin! You should have told me! I know there's nothing I could have done except for..." I raise my eyebrow. "Fuck! Never mind. I guess I know where Brian's coming from. I bet he wasn't too eager to share the whole thing with you, either, was he?" He grins wistfully, and I can only nod. "I hope you didn't let him get away with it..." Now it's my turn to grin. "Thought so. But be that as it may, it still doesn't explain why he's still irritable as hell..."

So I'm telling him about the celibate thing, and we're both giggling like fucking three-year-olds, and I've to admit, the whole thing is funny. Not for Brian, no. But most definitely for us. I also mention how I made Brian realise that payback is indeed a bitch, and Mikey is giving me the thumbs up when I describe the shower stuff and how Brian thought I'd jerked off without him. Mikey is just saying how he can't believe that Brian Kinney of all people has to be celibate when the little bell over the door chimes. "Well, well... What have we here? Seriously, Sunshine, I'm appalled. I told you to keep quiet... I should have known better. Guess that means I won't tell you anything anymore..." Brian's face is unreadable, and I'm so fucked!

---

Brian

I could climb the fucking walls. Three days – three godforsaken days! I know Justin thinks I'm queening – and maybe I am to some extent – but I'm seriously worried that my dick might take offence. Or that my balls might explode since I didn't come for so fucking long. Shit! Yeah, I know. I'm blowing the whole thing out of proportion – and fuck, what would I give to have him on his knees righting now, blowing me... But of course he isn't around, he practically fled the building this morning. Just because I told him to put his shit into the dishwasher since I wasn't his fucking maid. Or butler ... whatever. So I'm a bit – a lot – irritable right now. It's not like he can really blame me, can he?

Actually, he should be fucking thrilled that I'm running around like a headless chicken. Before he came along, it wouldn't have been this hard to go without fucking for a few days. The guys back then were just tricks, and if work was a bitch, I didn't even get around to jerking off too often. Besides, it's not like I'm about to go crazy because I can't lay hands on myself. And it's all his fault. After that first time, I was addicted. Yes, I know that I acted as if I couldn't remember shit about our nightly activities the morning after, but that was because I realised what was happening. No, not the part where I fell in love. But I was aware of the fact that this little twink could very easily become my newest addiction. And when he came to Babylon ... let's just say my drug of choice was no longer E... Which is why I'm now close to freaking.

I'm so fucked! Because if I was honest with myself, I'd admit that I wouldn't want to change anything. Except for the bashing and shit like that, of course. I drown my sorrow in a second cup of coffee and am about to leave for Dr. Franklin's when Big Ben announces the coming of a visitor. It's Linz. Smiling. Like the cat who... "I came bearing gifts." She holds up two tickets for Justin's show – or rather ... for the opening gala ... yeah, like anything that happens in the Pitts could be called a gala – and winks. "Thought you want to bring Cynthia along. She seems to love Justin's art." Well, of course she does. She's got great taste, after all. "I'm really thrilled, and so is Sidney. Can you imagine – the show isn't open yet, and we already sold five paintings..."

Oh, I can imagine just fine. Art collectors usually know it when they see a genius in the making... Linz smirks and kisses my cheek. "You know, it wouldn't hurt you to show how proud you are once in a while. Justin might know it, but it's quite different when you're actually told that the person who's most important in your life is actually proud of what you've achieved." I guess dearest Mel did just that recently. Else Linz wouldn't feel the need to lecture me on the makings of a good relationship. "Justin is so very excited... I don't think you even noticed that. Which is understandable, given the circumstances, but still..." Fuck it! I know Justin's fucking elated! His first show, only his art, free publicity... Who does she think keeps him grounded? The attention he's going to receive could go to the head of anyone...

"Speaking of those circumstances... What the fuck is going on in that head of yours?" Shit! I seem to have forgotten that Linz didn't have a chance to tell me what she thought of my actions. "You scared Justin out of his mind! When everything was going to be..." She's dropping down on the sofa, burying her face in her hands. "You could have died... Had it been cancer, you could have..." And this is yet another reason why I could never be straight. Is there anything that makes you feel more helpless than seeing a woman cry? I sit down next to her, holding her tightly while she's shaking like a leaf. "I didn't quite grasp it on Monday, but now... I could have lost you, Gus could have lost you... Not to mention Justin... Brian, you ... you gave us all the fright of our lives. Even Mel was anxious to hear the news on Tuesday. You should have seen her..." Now that's something I always wanted – Melanie Marcus worried because of me.

"It's okay, Linz. I'm okay. I'm fucking fabulous! So please ... stop the waterworks, okay?" She gives me one of her looks, like I have no clue what the fuck I'm asking of her, but after just one more sniffle, she dries her eyes and then... I don't quite remember how she managed to get me to play chauffeur for her. But I must have agreed to it at some point cause we're sitting in the jeep, speeding through the glorious Pittsburgh morning towards Sidney Bloom's gallery. And I know I'll probably be late for my appointment, but there simply is no defence against Linz when she's like this. It's all "you do this, you do that", and you better do it if you don't want to get into deep shit with her. And as the mother of my kid, she holds some power over me. Which is completely fucked.

I think I broke almost every traffic rule on my way to the Dr. Franklin's office after getting rid of Linz. Luckily, she really only wanted a lift and I was free to go after dropping her off. Which is why I'm now sitting in the doc's office, being treated to a grin that is very similar to Eamon's. Fuck! Is this part of medical training nowadays? Psychological warfare? How do you keep your patients on the edge of their fucking seats? "Well, Mr Kinney, as you know we did some more tests and ... it would seem like your in perfectly good health. Ultrasound showed that the cyst is completely gone now," yeah, and my ball almost fell off because that fucking gel they used was freezing, "and the blood scans showed no traces of anything malignant." There's that grin again, and I swear I'm this close to throttling him. "So I see no reason why you shouldn't return to your, well, normal life." Is he winking at me? "I'm sure your husband will be thrilled to hear that..." Oh yes, the fucker is winking. I think I need to pay a little visit to Mr De Valera!

Then again... I'm sure Justin will be more than thrilled to hear that I'm bad as new, though his ass might complain come morning. As soon as I get out of Dr. Franklin's lovely world of the mentally impaired, I get out my cell, hitting speed-dial. Of course, I only get the fucking voice mail. Great. His fucking class has been over for about an hour now, so he should have found the time to switch his phone back on, right? However, we are talking about a little stupid blond twink here, who's completely oblivious most of the time. Especially when I might need him. Yes, I'm overreacting again. So sue me! Now, where could he be? And then it hits me. He mentioned something about Michael and having to talk about Rage, so he must be at the comic book store.

It's really great how predictable Pittsburgh's charming police is. No speed or traffic controls, no nothing. Well, that's perfectly fine by me. I make a short stop at the diner to pick up some lunch, cause once I get my hands on Justin, there's no way I'm letting him sneak away to appease the Monster. Since the loft is closer, we'll go there, and I've to congratulate myself for the brilliant idea to keep the bed there. And the shower... I pull up in front of Red Cape and have to smirk when I see just how my significant other parked the abomination. Or rather – where he parked it. There's plenty of space where you can park for free, but what did Justin do? The old let's-pretend-there's-no-signs thing. Well, this ticket is his, and his only. And he's fucking lucky the car is still here. Not that he will need it...

I get into the shop the moment Mikey says how he can't believe that Brian Kinney of all people has to be celibate. So the little twink couldn't keep his big mouth shut? That's interesting... "Well, well... What have we here? Seriously, Sunshine, I'm appalled. I told you to keep quiet... I should have known better. Guess that means I won't tell you anything anymore..." Mikey stares, but only for a few seconds. Then, his face is almost split in half by the big smile he gives me. But Justin is looking at me like the proverbial deer, knowing that he's been caught with his hand in the candy box.