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Chapter 9 - A Day to Remember
Brian
It's Wednesday, yeah! So tomorrow I'm getting out of this hellhole and back where I belong. I'm going to go home. To Justin.
At last! I'm currently waiting for him to come for his usual 'after-work-visit'. The little shit really managed to make an
impression, cause, when Vance came to look in on me on Monday, he actually suggested that we "try and keep young Mr Taylor as a
freelancer once his internship is over." I was all for it of course. It means that Justin will make enough money and might be able to
quit his job at the diner – Deb is going to have my head over that, but so be it. And I'm going to have him around. Though I wouldn't
tell him that.
Mikey left about an hour ago, and thinking of his visit makes me smile. First he told me that the jeep was as good as new again, so I
didn't have to worry about that. He was actually fidgeting and seemed really nervous and afraid. As if I'd have a hissy fit or
something. I didn't when he told me what happened, so I'm not going to queen-out now. Actually, I was surprised that I didn't rip his
head off. But something - or someone - had made me realise that the fucking jeep wasn't as important as I always thought it
was.
Yeah, I'd say Mikey was pretty relieved when I just smirked at him, tongue-in-cheek. Then he asked, just like that, if I really told
Justin ... about the scarf and the stupid things I did with it. It hadn't been something he could have asked at Woody's, but now...
Well, let's just say that he was quite surprised when I nodded my head. Yes, I had told Justin – right after showing him how much I
appreciated my birthday present. He was furious with me, of course, and made me promise that I'd never ever do something like it
again. Now that hadn't been hard, cause now I have Justin in my life.
Okay, I had him back then as well, but that was different. I hadn't been prepared to accept given facts in those days – after my
dream of New York imploded and before the Prom. I still can't say if I really wanted to kill myself or, if it was just something new
I wanted to try out. Anyhow, it's not going to happen again. Justin would be royally pissed. And we can't have that. Shit, when did I
become such a dyke? And why doesn't that scare me shitless any more? Probably when he came back to me after the Rage
party, and because I have faith in him, in us, now.
Anyway. Mikey was really pleased that I had told my Sunshine. Somehow we ended up talking about my dearest mother, and Mikey was
pouting cause he hadn't been around on Sunday – to see how Justin fought for me like a lioness for her cub. Okay, that's not a
thought I want to dwell on. I'm not a fucking cub, nor an invalid. I can manage on my own, thank you very much. But maybe that's
exactly it. I no longer have to manage on my own. And if I'm honest with myself, I don't want to. I want Justin by my side,
for good.
I think I gasped at that point, startling poor Mikey. There it was, the answer I had been looking for ever since I had first had that
idea... I asked Mikey to quickly call Mel before I could chicken out again, and he hadn't the slightest clue what I was talking
about. But when I explained, I swear he was smiling an almost Sunshine-smile. They are really spending too much time together. They
are starting to rub off on each other. Next thing I know will be that Justin starts whining like Mikey when he doesn't get what he
wants. Shit.
So, Mel came over and I told her what I wanted her to do. She didn't have a heart attack after all, spoilsport that she is. She was
just smiling – Melanie was smiling at me – and told me that she'd bring the papers to the loft tomorrow. Of course her eyes grew
large then, and her hand flew to her lips. Too late. Mikey was glaring at her, "Gee, thanks a lot, Mel. Justin was afraid I might let
it slip, but no. It had to be you!" I only grinned. So the little shit has been planning something for my glorious return? Little
fucker! I want no one at the loft but him. Apparently I'm not going to get my wish.
But it's also good thing... I can really surprise Justin – in front of our family. I'm going to ask him to... Well, what should I ask
him? "Will you not marry me?" Well, I'm going to find the right words, I always do. Or almost always. And once everyone gets
over the initial shock, Emmett and Linz can start setting up things, and... Yes, that'll do. Tomorrow will be a day to remember. I'll
make sure of that.
---
Justin
"I called the store again just now, and the jacket is there. I told them to charge Mel's credit card – don't worry, Justin, she knows
and is okay with it. Just pay us back when you can. There's no rush." Linz is talking so fast, I can hardly get everything she's
saying. "We'll bring the painting with us, so all you have to worry about it getting home on time and picking up the jacket." The
jacket. I felt so bad for Brian that I decided to get him a replacement for his Armani leather jacket. Unfortunately, my account was
pretty empty, so I had to ask Linz to help me out. "Mikey's going to pick Brian up around two p.m. and take him home..."
She continues to ramble, but I tune her out. We've been over this four times already, so I know the schedule by heart. I only wish I
wasn't so damn tired. I think ten nights with barely five hours of uninterrupted sleep are finally catching up with me. Fuck. I down
my second cup of coffee before interrupting Linz, "Sorry, but I gotta go. I don't want to be late for work, especially since I will
have to inform them that I won't be able to come in tomorrow." Linz just laughs and tells me that she'll see me later. And repeats
the name of the store ... again.
It's almost two in the afternoon when I finally leave Vanguard. Things have been pretty hectic lately, especially now that Brian, um,
Mr Kinney, isn't around. The rumour mill has been busy during the last two weeks, but no one really knows what happened to
Bri. Thank God. I don't want them to know, don't want them to know what my ex-lover - or rather my ex-fuck-buddy - had been up
to. Besides, it wouldn't look good if they figured out that I was Brian's lover. That might cause some problems for Bri, and I don't
want that to happen.
Cynthia came down just as I was leaving, telling me not to worry about tomorrow and to "take good care of Brian." That woman is
really something. Next she'll show up at Woody's or Babylon... That thought makes me chuckle. Fag-hag in the making... Anyway, I'm
running late, and I have to take a cab to get to that fucking store and back to the loft before Brian returns. I'm just coming out of
the designer store when I bump into someone. "I'm sorry, I didn't see..." Shit! It's Hobbs! Chris Fucking Hobbs, glaring down at me.
Just want I need today.
"Get away from me, faggot." Thankfully, that is all he says, but I have to admit that I'm pretty shaken when I climb back into the
cab. And tired. I actually have to ask the driver to stop at a Starbucks cause I need more caffeine or else I might just fall asleep.
Fuck it. And I'm hungry as well. I guess I should have paid more attention to those little things, but I was just so busy, and I had
to be with Brian, and... Damn it.
When the cab reaches the loft, the jeep is already parked in front of the building. Fuck! I pay the driver, and quickly make my way
up to the loft – or as quickly as I can. Finally I'm drawing the door open, and there's Brian, turning towards me. And he's got that
nervous smile on his face ... and I know that he smiled like this at ... at the Prom! I gasp as memories flood me, and I know he says
something, and is rushing to my side, but I can't hear him. All I know is that I'm suddenly lying on the floor, and I'm in Brian's
arms, and he's so warm. I simply have to move closer, and then everything somehow disappears around us, and my eyes slide shut
because I'm so tired...
---
Brian
"If I never see a hospital again, it'll be too soon!" Mikey snickers at my annoyed declaration, but is smart enough not to comment on
it. I look around and ask, "Anyway, where's my so-called partner, huh? Shouldn't he be here as well? So I can boss him around
a bit?" Or maybe just because I haven't seen him for about sixteen hours and I miss him. Fuck it! How did the little shit manage
that? I never needed anyone like I need him. And I'm not speaking about fucking here, or not only. I just need him around. Fuck, and
I'm not even on meds anymore... "So, Mikey? Where is he?"
Mikey mumbles something, and I have to ask him to repeat before I get it, "He's to pick something up." Right. And that is more
important than me. Little fucker! He's supposed to be here, damn it! If it wasn't for him and his little trip into insanity I
wouldn't have ended up in hospital in the first place. No, that's not fair. But right now I don't feel like being fair. I just want
to get out of here, now! Dr O'Reilly tells me to sign those fucking papers, and then asks me to take it easy and not to overexert
myself. 'Oh, don't worry, doc. There are positions where I won't have to work at all.' I grin at him, already looking forward to
trying out a few of them tonight.
A nurse is wheeling me out of the room, and finally I'm free, and I almost run to the jeep. It's childish, I know. But I want to get
home, now! And I want Justin. Gods, I'm so pathetic. Mikey is shaking his head at me, and I grumble, "You try spending twelve days in
fucking hospital and we'll see how you'll feel." I straighten in my seat, and then add, "Now let's get the fuck out of here. I want
to go home and see Justin." He smirks and only then do I realise what I just said. Oh fuck. I'm a fucking dyke. No, it's worse. I'm
turning into a hetero-husband-wannabe. Shit.
When we get to the loft, everyone is there already, waiting for my return. Everyone except for Justin. Fuck it! How dare he leave me
alone with the vultures? Mel hands me a folder, and it's practically burning my hand. Not because I don't want to do this, but
because I don't know if Justin will be okay with it. I hope so, and I think he'll be very excited. But I can't be sure until I asked
him. Yes, I admit it, I'm fucking nervous. At long last I hear the door open, and turn to see the little shit enter our home. Damn,
he looks like hell. There are dark shadows under his eyes ... why didn't I see that before? He had been rather quite during the last
three days, but I never asked what was up. I am some partner. Shit.
I smile at him, and suddenly I see him retreat into his own little world, and something is very wrong here, boys and girls. I'm
rushing to his side as fast as I can, Ben right beside me. He catches Justin as he sways. And then I'm kneeling, gently stroking
Justin's hair, his head lying in my lap now. And I know what this means before anyone says a word – back to hospital. Fuck! But I
don't want to go back there!
Then it hits me. What was I thinking? He was at hospital around seven a.m. and stayed with me until he had to leave for work. And
then he came back and sometimes only left at midnight. When did he sleep? When did he eat?!
Dr O'Reilly is still on duty, now isn't that nice? But he smiles at me, and tells me that Justin is just exhausted, and that I
can take him home again once he wakes up. "I'm warning you though, Mr Kinney. The both of you need to rest. I want you to heed my
words cause I really don't want to see either of you again before Monday." I'll have another x-ray on Monday, so... "And, without
wanting to impose on you... I think you should try to work through what happened to you. My wife might be able to help you there."
And suddenly I have a card in my hand.
Dr O'Reilly – the wifey – is a shrink, and fuck, I don't need a shrink. But maybe ... maybe she can help us. Give us a little
nudge in the right direction. After all, there's still all that shit with him blaming himself for the shooting and everything. And it
can't be normal that I'm still hearing Jack whenever the word 'love' comes up. So maybe we should give this a try. For Justin. Cause
I don't want Justin to go back to the hell he was in after the bashing. 'You should have realised it back then, Kinney. Let's just
hope it's not too late now.' Well, it's not too late. Fuck that.
Two hours later, Justin's awake again, and Dr O'Reilly tells him what he already told me. Mikey is driving us home, and I'm reminded
of that first night again. Mikey driving us home – I was hardly able to see straight, but I knew I wanted that blond twink sitting
next to me. That hasn't changed – I still want him. But now that includes so much more than just the physical desire I'm still
feeling whenever I look at him. Now I also want him to be safe, want him to be with me, want him to be happy – with me. I want
us to be happy.
That's how it happens. Not in front of our family like I had planned, but I just know that it's the right moment. "Justin?" He still
looks so tired, but manages to smile at me nonetheless. "I've been thinking... I asked Mel to draw up some papers and..." I twine our
fingers. "I love you, and I want you with me for a long time. And after all that's been going on recently – and I don't mean
Ian trying to do me in here – I think I'm ready to ... well, take another step. I think we are ready for it" He seems
puzzled and I lean in to kiss his forehead. "I'm not asking you to marry me, don't worry. But I still want you to have some sort of
legal backup should something happen to me again." Fuck, I'm babbling.
"Oh Brian," he whispers, and then he throws his arms around me, and all I can do is to hold on to him. He is shaking in my arms, and
I'm beginning to fear that he might fall apart. But when he draws back I see that the little fucker is laughing. He's fucking
laughing at me like a loony. "I hope Mel also drew up those papers for me, cause I want us to be equals in this." And he's cracking
again, and it takes a while until he says, "I can't believe Mel survived the shock..."
Mikey, who had been quiet up to that moment, now throws in his two cents, "Well, she was startled. But I think Brian was the one who
was really shocked. Cause Melanie actually smiled at him." He's dead. I hope he told Ben that he loved him and everything, because as
soon as the jeep stops, I'm going to kill him. Or maybe not. I owe him too much.
---
Justin
I can't believe he wants to commit, cause that's what this is all about – a commitment. We only got back together three weeks ago,
but during those three weeks more things have changed for the two of us than in all the months that went before. I think he's right,
we both are ready for this. So the moment we get into the loft again, he's reaching for that folder Mel has given him earlier, and we
read through all those papers and contracts. "Gods, I hate this whole legal shit." He throws up his hands. "I've had enough. I trust
that Mel knows what she's doing so... Where do I sign?"
Usually I would tell him to fucking read everything, but from the looks of it, everything is just fine, and then there's the fact
that Mel drew up these papers, so... We each grab a pen and sign on the dotted lines and then... "Here's to us, Sunshine." I giggle.
"So, now that you've signed all your worldly possessions and your soul over to me," he smirks, "what the fuck did you think you were
doing not looking after yourself?" Shit. "Have you any idea how I felt when you practically dropped to the floor in front of me? I
was fucking scared if you need to know."
I shake my head. "I remember, Brian. First, I ran into Hobbs today and then... You smiled at me just like you did when you came to
the Prom. Everyone else thought you were so confidant, but I could tell that you were fucking nervous. So yeah, you smiled like that
and it just ... it just happened. I was there again, and you danced with me. And then we were in the garage, and sang and danced
around like little kids – I think I never saw you this carefree before, or after. And I remembered that moment before you kissed me.
I saw the love and confusion in your eyes..." He captures my lips in a gentle kiss, not meant to arouse, only to show me that he's so
glad that at long last he's not the only one anymore. That I remember.
He draws back, and bumps his forehead into mine. "I'm going to order something to eat now. Pizza okay?" I think I'm staring at him as
if he's the eighth Wonder of the Ancient World or something. "Yes, you heard that right, pizza." I know I should probably make him
lie down, but I just can't bring up the strength to do it. So while he makes the call, I pad over to the steps and there it is. The
painting. Lying on our bed like it's waiting for us.
"Um, Brian? Could you come over here for a second?" Maybe I shouldn't have called him, because he seems to think something's wrong
and comes rushing to my side. That can't be good for his rib... "I'm afraid I forgot to give you your second birthday present." I
smile at him as he starts to glare. "It's on the bed, so go and have a look." Then I flee to the sofa and make myself comfortable.
When I don't hear anything from him for about five minutes, I'm starting to worry. "Brian?"
I turn towards the steps and see him coming down, the framed painting in his right hand. "You gave me myself..." Well, in a manner of
speaking. "Justin, I... I don't know what to say." Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. "Is that really how you see me?" I nod. Of course
it is. I got the first glimpse of him while we were at hospital and he held Gus. He was so open with his small boy. There was no
Brian Fucking Kinney there, only Brian. The man I fell for that night. Sure, there were times when I really hated him, but I
never stopped loving him. Because I always knew that Brian was somewhere beneath all those masks.
After the bashing, my perception of him was for shit. I didn't see him, not really. Even though he was there almost always.
And when all the shit with Ethan happened, gods, I should have seen how much he was hurting – how much Brian was hurting. But
I didn't. Only after Mikey gave me his little lecture... What I saw that night in his eyes ... he tried to push me away, because he
thought it was the best - for me. But I saw him again, and I wouldn't allow any of that shit. And then, the next evening... I
simply had to draw him. Had to see if I was still able to put all that he is, all that he means to me on paper.
He stands there, at the bottom of the steps, staring at the painting. And then he whispers, "Thank you. Thank you, Justin." I rise
and go over to him, wrapping my arms around him tightly. Before things can really get out of hand, the pizza arrives, and then we're
sitting on the sofa, and he lets me watch 'Yellow Submarine' as he feeds me not only my own but also half of his pizza. "Promise me
that you'll never do that again, Justin." He stares at me intently. "Never forget to take care of yourself in order to be with me,
never!" I nod weakly, but that only sets him off more. "I mean it, Justin. I never want to see anything like this happen to
you again, is that clear? It was enough when it was Deb, but you..." Shit, he was really terrified.
"I promise," I burrow my head against his neck, "I promise." I really don't know how it happened. I was eating, maybe not very
regularly, but I was. And as for sleeping – well, it's not like this is the first time I went with hardly any sleep for weeks. I
think it was just everything adding up. The fear for Brian, the anger I felt because of what Ethan had done, and the rage at myself
for causing all this to happen. Okay, so everyone says it wasn't my fault, but fuck that. I think I can understand Brian now, and him
feeling responsible for the bashing. Shit.
---
Brian
I sent him to bed an hour ago. He needs his sleep more than I do. Besides, I needed some time to think. I called Mel, and she just
picked up the papers to make it all official. We are married now, or something like it at least. Okay, we didn't exchange rings or
any stupid vows, but still... We are equal partners now, and I don't think I would have said anything like that before ... before the
whole Ian shit. Equals. And four weeks ago I had been sure that I had lost him. That day when I made that business
proposition to the fucking fiddler and Justin walked into the diner...
And now he's wearing my fucking bracelet, and is in my will and all that shit. There's just one more thing I need to do. And then
it'll be up to him. I call the Allegheny and make an appointment to be tested. It's been almost six months anyway, so I might as well
get that done when I'm down there for the x-ray. And then... I smile as an idea strikes. Gazing at the LCD clock of the entertainment
system, I see that it's only six thirty, so I call Cyn. "I need you to do me a favour."
"Why, hello to you, too, Brian. How's life treating you?" Shit, I really don't feel like exchanging any niceties right now, or any
banter for that matter.
"Cyn, I want you to make sure that Justin won't be needed next week, and the beginning of the week after... Tell Gardner he's sick."
Cause I'm going to take Justin away from the Pitts for a while. What happened today was a warning that I don't intend to ignore. We
need to take some time to take care of ourselves. And somehow I think that's not going to happen while we're at home. "And then I
need you to make some reservations for me..."
After I hang up on Cyn, leaving her to wonder if I lost my mind, I search for that card Dr O'Reilly gave me. For a moment I stare at
it, unsure if I really want to go through with it, and then I pick up the phone again and call the little wifey's office, making an
appointment – also for Monday. Now, I have the whole weekend to figure out what to do with Sunshine. Well, there's always Linz, and
she might need him for some artsy stuff. Yes, that could work.
I climb the steps, and even though it's far too early for me to sleep, I know that he is always calmer when I'm next to him. So I
strip slowly, mindful of my still aching chest, and crawl into bed with him. Instinctively, he inches closer until his head rests on
my shoulder. Gods, I missed this. Fucking hospital! I actually missed this more than the sex, and I really think that I need a
shrink after all - badly. Cause this simply can't be normal, can it?
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